Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
