I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
