So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
