he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
