I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
