I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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