you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
