Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
