Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Your cock deserves a montage
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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