Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
