Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You made out with two different species that night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
