Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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