someone owes me an orgasm
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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