I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
