I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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