oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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