The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
