The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
