you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
