Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
