The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
