So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
