I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
