He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
