Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
