I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't want my vagina anymore.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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