you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
