you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
