thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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