I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
