super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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