But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
