I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
