I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
