how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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