could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
