No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
