Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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