The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
