We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
