pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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