at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize