I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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