Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
