I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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