You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Girls should come with a carfax report
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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