I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
