So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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