I wish I could punch you in the face.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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