wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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