her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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