could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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