ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
