I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
