I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
