Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
