somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize