You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
