I just pynch a tree in the face
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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