Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
