Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
