we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
